


Someone to Watch Over

by WolfstarGarden



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A Balm to 2020, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Feelings, Feels, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, Love, Love in the Time of Coronavirus, M/M, Mutual Pining, Protective Sirius Black, Quarantale Challenge, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Reunions, Romance, Sexual Content, Showers, Video Chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:55:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfstarGarden/pseuds/WolfstarGarden
Summary: Sirius was laughing, a soft, genuine bark of delight. And then Remus was laughing too, a gentle chuckle that pulled at the knots of tension binding his muscles and rethreaded them with affection.“That’s better,” Sirius said, smiling. “There’s my Moony again.”
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 40
Kudos: 269





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Corona stress = writer's block. I decided to steer into the skid and see what happened.
> 
> Inspired by Triple J's "Quarantune Challenge" and my local post-master, who had to move away from his wife for six weeks to keep her safe from exposure to the virus.

“When are you coming home?” Remus tapped the monitor with a restless fingertip, watching the screen flicker between sizes. One lip jutted forward in a forlorn scowl, petulance staining his tone.

“Moony,” Sirius sighed as he shook one hand through his hair, flipped it away from his face. “It’s not safe for you.”

Brow tightening, Remus squinted angrily at the screen, jabbed it a little harder. “I don’t care.”

“Well I do,” Sirius snapped, stubbornness animating his voice. “How many times do we have to have this conversation?”

“Until you agree to come home,” Remus pouted, combatting Sirius’ inflexible attitude with his own. It wasn’t often they were in total opposition, and it was even less often that Sirius was the rational one while Remus let emotion bleed across reason, but the normal way of things had been thrown out the window when lockdown restrictions slammed them. This world was an unchartered ocean and they were both treading water with land nowhere in sight.

And Remus’ strength was waning. The fear of drowning loomed over him, replacing his blood with disjointed panic. Sirius was his life-preserver. Sirius could save him.

But Sirius was in a plush hotel deep in the heart of the contaminated city, and Remus was in absolute isolation in their quiet country home three hours drive away.

_ For his own good _ , Sirius said. But separation was proving to be very much the opposite of what was good for him.

“I miss you,” Remus mumbled, eyes dropping away from the screen. He dropped his hand as well, twisted his fingers together in his lap, lacing and unlacing them in a restless pattern.

“I miss you too,” Sirius said, his voice softer, veined with sweetness. “How’re you doing?”

Not looking up, Remus shrugged.

“No flares?” Sirius prodded. 

“No,” Remus murmured. “Perfectly fine.”

He heard Sirius drag in a long, slow breath. There was a ruffle of indistinct noise from his end: movement. Remus’ eyes dropped shut, stinging with the prickling burn of frustrated tears that he absolutely refused to let fall.

“Hey, look at me,” Sirius said, voice filtered with faux lightness. “Let me see those pretty eyes.”

It was a struggle. With great reluctance Remus opened his eyes again and lifted them back to the screen, to Sirius’ face framed by his laptop monitor. “Why did you have to  _ work _ through this?” he asked, lip protruding again.

Cocking his head, Sirius gave him an unimpressed glare. “Moony, c’mon.”

Scrubbing violently at his eyes, Remus huffed an agitated sigh. A beat of silence passed between them as he tried to rein his frustration in. “Sorry,” he grumbled.

“Me too,” Sirius breathed. “Look, they said today that the extra shifts will probably stop at the end of the week.”

Hope flashed through Remus’ chest, quickened his heart beat. “And?”

A beautiful smile slid across Sirius’ face, transforming his tired features into the lively construct Remus was so familiar with. “And,” he smirked, “I’m going to be put off.”

Remus stared at him, lips parted as he waited for Sirius to continue. “So… you are coming home?”

Sirius gave his head a slight shake, hair flicking across his eyes, and Remus’ heart plummeted as the surge of adrenaline stalled and drained away. “Not immediately. I still have to do the two-week quarantine.”

A groan scraped up Remus’ throat and slipped between his teeth.

“I know, I know,” Sirius said, sharing his frustration. “But at least it’s a light at the end of the tunnel, yeah? I could be home in less than three weeks, Moony. That’s  _ good _ news.”

Shutting his eyes, Remus gave a slow nod. Scratching through his emotions, he tried to find something to resemble gratitude, but all he could think was that it was a guarantee of  _ three more weeks _ before Sirius would be home, before he could touch him again. Their bed echoed with his absence, felt cavernous and cold no matter how hard Remus curled himself around Sirius’ pillow.

He had to say something; Sirius was waiting. He wanted it to be positive, but instead it was a sulky question that spat across his tongue. “And what if you test positive?”

Gritting his jaw hard, Sirius very deliberately did  _ not _ roll his eyes. “Then it’ll be a little longer. This isn’t easy for me either, Moony.”

“I haven’t left the fucking house for six whole fucking weeks, Sirius! I haven’t  _ seen anyone _ in six fucking weeks.”

Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know, I’m sorry! Okay?”

It wasn’t okay. They both knew that it was very, very far from okay. 

Hand sliding up his brow, Sirius peered at him with critical eyes. “You taking your meds?”

“Yes,” Remus said evenly, waiting for the reprimand he knew he was about to get anyway.

“You scared me when you threatened to stop taking them,” Sirius said. 

“I know,” Remus said in the same mild tone. Not even able to go into the chemist, Remus had made the mistake of voicing an impulsive desire to let his medication lapse as his month’s worth dwindled away. That had been two weeks ago, and Remus still wasn’t sure if he would’ve actually gone through with it.

Immunosuppressant drugs made his life difficult enough as it was. Now, they had reinforced his usual practical health boundaries into an inescapable prison. He hated it, and a tiny irrational sliver low in the darkest pit of his bile-filled belly hated Sirius for abandoning him to it.

“I wish I was there,” Sirius said, a whine creeping into his words. “I didn’t know when they called me that it would be this long.”

“I know,” Remus repeated, but a begrudging warmth bloomed in his chest. “But we both know you’d have volunteered if they hadn’t asked.”

Sirius stared at him, and Remus wondered for a second if the video had jammed. Then Sirius’ brow twitched, a wry curl dragging down the edge of his mouth. “Yeah. I guess I’m not so good at sitting around watching other people fight when I know I can be useful, yeah?”

“Right,” Remus said, raising one hand again. He brushed his fingertips to the screen, imagining the firm arch of Sirius’ cheekbone under his touch rather than the cold static of glossy. “Maybe that’s my problem too.”

“What’re you doing?” Sirius asked. “Are you tracing me again?”

“Yup,” Remus said, sloping his fingers down Sirius’ neck. “I want to twist your hair in my fingers. And I want to smell your soap, and touch your eyelashes, and feel your stubble on my cheek. I want to  _ hold _ you. And I want to kiss you and kiss you and  _ kiss you _ , until I can’t even breathe anymore.”

“Moony…” 

Remus dropped his hand again and offered Sirius a bracing smile. “What about you, Puppy?”

Sirius blinked, looking bemused. “What about me, what?”

“What would you want, if we were together right now?”

“Oh…” Sirius’ voice dropped into a deep, throaty register, humming through the speakers as a warm grin cracked across his fatigue. “I want to put my tongue up your arse.”

Remus nearly sent the laptop flying off the tabletop, coughing in surprise. But Sirius was laughing, a soft, genuine bark of delight. And then Remus was laughing too, a gentle chuckle that pulled at the knots of tension binding his muscles and rethreaded them with affection. He wasn’t even sure when he’d last laughed.

“That’s better,” Sirius said, smiling. “There’s my Moony again.”

Gazing at him as the laughter slipped away, Remus tried to smile back, but it was mostly sad. “It’s just hard,” he said, putting an apology in his voice. “And knowing that other people have it worse makes me feel so … ungrateful.”

“You’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling,” Sirius said, a stern edge sharpening his tone. He sounded like he did when talking to a patient and Remus found it slightly irritating. “You’re the most important person in your life and if you don’t take care of you, then you’re no good to anyone.”

“Shut up,” Remus said. “You’re the most important person in my life. And I can’t stand you not being here.”

All the humour faded from Sirius’ face, replaced with grim sorrow. “We’re gonna get through it,” he said after a moment, sombre. “And as soon as it’s safe, I’ll be home.”

“Until the second wave,” Remus said, and his lower lip began to slide forwards again. “Then you’ll move out again, won’t you. You’ll have to.”

“Maybe,” Sirius said, his voice turning brusque. “I refuse to think about that until we’re faced with it. It’s impossible to plan ahead with this thing.”

“At least you get to see people,” Remus grouched.

Disgust glanced across Sirius’ face as he shook his head. “Work people do not fucking count. It’s all shop talk and emotional labour and idiots, Remus. So, one: you’re not missing out at all. And two, I am just as fucking lonely as you are, alright?”

Chastened, Remus recoiled. “Sorry,” he whispered, bowing his head slightly. 

An awkward pause filled all the spaces between them and then Sirius abruptly changed the subject, his tone carefully in check. “How’s work?”

“Fine,” Remus said, body twitching as a dismissive annoyance prodded him. The question was irritatingly banal. “I give lectures and _plan_ to give lectures and once in a while someone asks a ridiculous question and I smile and answer it. Who could possibly be bored with such brilliant variety in their day?”

Sirius’ responding expression was impossible to read, even for Remus. He huffed, “Christ, I was only asking. Does everything have to be an argument?”

Around the shifts Sirius had been working, they were lucky to have more than a ten minute phone chat. Video calls were a blessing that came too many days apart, and Remus did not want to spoil this one, knowing another wouldn’t be until at least the end of the week.

Watching him with a keen, professional gaze, Sirius said, “Take a deep breath, Sweetness. Slowly in and slowly out.”

Feeling silly, Remus nonetheless obliged. It was rare that he let even Sirius see through the mask he pinned over his emotions, but at the same time it was only Sirius who knew how to help him when it did slip out of place. 

For a few minutes, Sirius prompted him through a breath exercise. As ever, Remus was surprised when he actually felt better afterwards. Offering Sirius a lopsided smile, he murmured, “How can someone as barking mad as you be so handy in a crisis?”

“Just two of my many talents,” Sirius said, sounding pleased. “‘V’you heard from Prongs? I haven’t had any luck catching him.”

“Oh.” Remus nodded. “Yeah, he finally got on a flight over the weekend. So he’s back, but stuck interstate until he’s done quarantine. And then another fortnight of isolation once he’s back in the state.”

“He got any symptoms?”

“Nah,” Remus said.

“Poor bastard,” Sirius sighed. “Not the way you want a holiday to end.”

“Nothing’s the way we want it to be,” Remus said.

“It will be again,” Sirius said. “In time, it will be. I really fucking hate it when you make me be the voice of reason, you know.”

“I’m not apologising for that,” Remus said, a sliver of mischief lightening his mood. “It’s good for you to be rational from time to time.”

“I’m sure,” Sirius agreed. His eyes dropped shut and one hand rose, fingers pressing across the creases on his brow, smoothing them out. “M’so fucking tired, Moony. And I wish you were here. I wish I was there.”

“I wish you were, too,” Remus murmured. 

“Hopefully soon. Soon I’ll be home. As long as there’s no risk of me bringing this fucking thing home to you.”

“I’d be happy to risk it to have you back,” Remus said, ignoring the burn of tears resurfacing at the corners of his eyes. He blinked once, very hard, but it did not deter the urge to cry.

“Your health, your fucking  _ life _ , is the one thing I am not willing to risk. That’s the only way I have the strength to get through it.”

“What about helping people who are actually sick?” Remus teased.

“Sure,” Sirius said. “I’m glad to help. I’d be climbing the walls even more than you are if I wasn’t. But keeping you safe is my reason for living.”

Remus raised one hand to shield his eyes, shutting them hard. The tears dampened his lashes but he just managed to save them from falling. 

“You okay?” Sirius’ voice was deep with concern, heavy and thick like he was treacherously close to weeping himself. 

Remus nodded but kept the shielding hand up for another long moment before dropping it uselessly in his lap. He tried to smile, but it wobbled and slid off his face. 

“Why don’t you take a bath,” Sirius suggested. “Help you wind down.”

“Maybe. Shall I bring the laptop with me, let you watch?”

Sirius’ replying smile was definitely laced with disappointment. “Not tonight,” he said, letting pure, unfiltered exhaustion consume his tone. “I’d love to, but I’m knackered. I am feeling distinctly unsexy.”

Swallowing, Remus eyed him. “Are  _ you _ okay?”

“Up and down, but yeah. I’m getting through it.”

Finally, Remus’ frustration gave way to something softer and concerned. “You’re taking care of yourself? No triggers?”

“I’m doing fine, Moony.”

“Denial?” Remus glared at him, but Sirius gave him an indulgent smile.

“I don’t think so. I’m allowed to be tired. I worked twelve hours today.”

Pursing his lips, Remus murmured, “That’s too many hours.”

“I can handle it,” Sirius said. “It’s only a few more days, anyway. Then I’ll have two full weeks where I’m not allowed to leave the fucking hotel.  _ That’s _ gonna hurt me.”

“Well,” Remus said. “We might be able to talk a bit more, at least.”

“Yeah.” Sirius grinned, happy warmth flushing his cheeks. “I know. And I’m quite sure that’s going to be excellent for both of us.”

“More you is always excellent,” Remus said softly. “You’ve got my hopes up now. Don’t let me down.”

“I won’t if I have any say in it,” Sirius said, and then yawned wide, flashing his teeth and tongue and throat to the webcam.

Grimacing, an affectionate twitch flickered at the corner of Remus’ mouth. “You’re all class.”

“Thank you,” Sirius said, and yawned again, eyes pinching shut.

With great reluctance, Remus asked a question he most assuredly did not want answered. “Do I need to let you go? Get some sleep?”

Sirius’ face collapsed as he tipped his head forwards, hair slinging across his face. “I guess,” he said, sounding every bit as bereaved as Remus felt. “I do feel like I could fall asleep on the fucking keyboard, to be honest.”

Remus said nothing, just gazed at him. 

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said. “I’ll call you in the morning, okay? I’m starting a bit later tomorrow, now the shifts are decreasing.”

Not trusting his voice, Remus nodded.

“Professor Moony,” Sirius said, prompting an automatic reply, a tiny verbal queue that had developed over their many years together.

“Nurse Padfoot?”

“Take that bath, like I said. You’ll feel better, I promise.”

“I will,” Remus said. “Want me to take pictures?”

“Surprise me,” Sirius said. He paused, then said, “I’m sorry this has gone on so long. I hate being away from you.”

Remus put his fingers against the screen again, stroked Sirius’ hair and imagined it’s smooth coarseness against his skin, long silky strands that he was as familiar with as his own scruffy, greying curls. A huge space opened in his chest, a chasm filled with an ache that throbbed outwards and began to devour him.

_ Not another goodbye _ . 

Another night alone.

Followed by another day of endless loneliness that no amount of clear skies and perfumed, autumn garden could alleviate. An insidious pain that crept over everything he tried to smother it with, cancerous, stress-provoking isolation that only the sparse moments with Sirius could ease.

He choked on the swelling in his throat.

Sirius smiled a terrible smile, sad and sweet and sorrowful. “I love you,” he whispered.

Lip trembling, Remus met his eyes through the computer and said, “I love you too.”

“I know you do,” Sirius said, gently. “Your love keeps me strong, Moony. Take strength from mine, okay? We’re in this together. We’re gonna get through it.”

Remus wished they really were together to get through it ... but his temper had been swallowed by the impending grief of  _ goodbye _ and he didn’t have the energy for anymore antagonism. “We’re gonna get through it,” he echoed, his own voice flat.

“We really are,” Sirius said. He moved closer to the camera, and Remus could see the shadow of his dark stubble, the red-shot veins zipping through his eyes. “I love you,” he repeated, each word an emphatic oath.

“I love you,” Remus said again, injecting his tone with sincerity, trying to feel anything other than desperation. He did not want to let go.

“Goodnight, Moony,” Sirius said, blowing a kiss at the screen, lips lingering against his fingertips.

Remus pressed his fingers against the screen, caught the kiss and, half-hating the romantic impulse that drove it, raised his fingers to his mouth. It had been so, so long since he had felt Sirius’ kiss, the ardent press of his plump, expressive mouth. “Goodnight,” he rasped.

Hesitating for a moment, Sirius gave him a tremulous smile. “I’ll call you tomorrow once I’m up. We’ll have breakfast together.”

“Okay,” Remus said, a tiny smile of acceptance touching his face. “I’d like that.”

“Me too,” Sirius said. “Look after yourself, Sweetness. Sleep well.”

With a conciliatory expression pinned to his face, Sirius’ hand darted towards the screen and closed the chat programme before Remus could reply.

Staring at the blank window, Remus dragged in a few deep breaths and tried to swallow down the lump still seizing up his throat. He would take a bath, and then he would climb into his empty bed, wrap himself around Sirius’ pillow and stare at the darkness until he couldn’t keep his eyes open. He would wait for fatigue to deaden his torment and toss him into a restless sleep … but in the morning, he could steal a few more moments with Sirius.

Sighing, Remus brushed his fingers against the computer screen for one last touch, Sirius’ image flashing behind his eyelids when he shut them. To no one but himself, Remus whispered, “I can’t wait until you come home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possibly I will write a reunion chapter. I always like the pups to have a happy ending.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't supposed to have anything even resembling smut. Not sure what happened, it's not explicit but it's kinda there anyway. Meh.
> 
> I meant to have this finished a fortnight ago, and now I'm up an hour after my bed time and have work in the morning, so I hope it's worth it. Insert appropriate smiley face.

“Where are you?” Remus growled at the computer screen, watching the blankness swirl in an incessant refresh loop as he waited for Sirius to connect. Remus was ten minutes earlier than their agreed time. His brain insisted that Sirius was already late anyway.

Restlessness drove him into the kitchen and he boiled the kettle, brewing a cup of tea simply to keep himself busy as he waited. Sirius had had his second test only yesterday. The current wait time meant tomorrow, or maybe even the day after, would declare him cleared ... or not.

There had been a fiery argument earlier in the week when Sirius suggested waiting another week to come home, just to be completely safe. His assertion that statistics were not enough to protect Remus from exposure had not been well received at all.

When Remus started shouting, Sirius had threatened not to come home at all. He had always been much better at fighting than Remus was.

Cradling a mug of steaming tea, Remus wandered back towards his computer just as a knock resounded against the ancient, solid front door. Startled, he tiptoed across the floorboards and peered down the shadowy hallway. He wasn’t expecting any deliveries and there was no way he was opening the door to an unknown person. Just as Remus tipped his weight back though, intending to ignore the visitor, he heard the unmistakable snick and tumble of a key being inserted and twisted in the door’s deadlock.

Heart smashing against his sternum, Remus’ emotions darted from the adrenaline rush of reactionary fear to pure, unadulterated joy as the door thudded inwards and revealed  _ Sirius _ .

The cup threatened to slip from his hand, scalding tea slopping over his knuckles as Remus gaped, his brain stalling for two whole seconds before it rebooted. Absently plunking the cup down on the hall table, he rushed to the front door as Sirius beamed the happiest grin Remus had ever seen in his life, and opened his arms in welcome. 

Falling into his embrace, Remus wrapped crushing arms around him and squeezed their bodies together.

It felt like coming home.

Sirius was strong and steady but trembling beneath the smooth, soft cloth of his favourite hoodie, the black one with the rainbow lining that Remus had bought for him years ago. Passing his hands up and down Sirius’ back, Remus burrowed his face into the curve of his shoulder, rosemary-scented hair brushing against his face.

Pulling him as close as possible, Sirius rested his cheek against Remus’, and just held him.

It had been so long, so,  _ so _ long, since he’d been held.

Wriggling, Remus tried to fit even closer against him. Blood roared through his ears in a deafening thump, soundtracking the vibrant swirl of tumultuous emotions coursing through his veins. Overwhelmed by them, Remus tucked his face tighter into the gentle fabric as the threat of sobs surged up the back of his throat. Swallowing hard, he managed to keep silent but two treacherous tears slipped from his pinched eyes and seeped into the hoodie.

“I missed you,” Sirius whispered into his uncombed hair, hands tight against Remus’ back.

“Oh my god,” Remus mumbled, his voice choked. “Oh my god. How can you be here already?”

Sirius shifted, pressed his mouth against Remus’ temple. “I wanted to surprise you,” he murmured, voice sweet with untempered affection.

A shaky laugh slipped between Remus’ lips when he tried to reply. His hands turned to fists and clutched Sirius’ jacket. “I … I didn’t expect you for at least two more days.”

“They’re getting the tests through a lot quicker now,” Sirius said, his voice patient and quiet. “And I told them the truth - that my husband is immunocompromised and needs me home to care for him. They bumped me to highest priority. I found out first thing this morning.”

Needing touch more than he needed talking, Remus clung to him in silence for an untraceable timespan, minutes passing in each Sirius-scented breath: generic hotel laundry detergent, expensive soap, spicy cologne and something else, a natural, sexy pheromone that was divinely Sirius.

Eventually, Remus cleared his throat and forced words out. “So you’re clear?”

“Yup,” Sirius confirmed. “Unless I’m a statistical outlier who doesn’t show symptoms until day thirty or whatever, then yes. Perfectly safe to come home to you. And I just couldn’t wait another minute.”

A needful whimper echoed at the back of Remus’ throat. Normally, such an ungoverned slip of emotion would have embarrassed him, but it didn’t matter now, not with Sirius’ arms clasping him in tender protection, not with the warm surety of his body arching into his.

Sliding a hand around the back of his head, tangling through his hair, Sirius whispered, “Are you crying?”

Keeping his face buried, Remus shook his head. His entire body shook and shivered as a wave of relief crashed over him, surged through every atom of his being. He moved his arms against the layers of fabric separating them, hugged Sirius tight enough to hurt, but Sirius did not pull away. “I haven’t touched another person in ten damn weeks,” he choked out.

“I know,” Sirius said, mouth ruffling his curls. “I’m sorry. Take a deep breath, Moony.”

Forcing himself, Remus sucked a long, slow breath through his nose. He let it out to the buzz of Sirius’ approving hum, and finally relaxed into him.

Time stopped mattering as they simply held each other, embracing in the shift of cold, draughty air slipping beneath the front door jamb.

Sirius felt just the way he remembered. His fingertips squiggled the same figure-eight patterns they always did, dancing along Remus’ spine to stroke away his stress. Sinking in to him, Remus sighed, “I can’t believe you’re really home.” A tiny spark of emotion flickered inside his heart; he was tempted to believe it might be happiness.

“I am. And I’m not leaving again, even if there are a dozen more waves.”

Huffing softly, Remus knew that was a lie but decided it was not the time to call him out on it.

Nosing his hair, Sirius murmured, “You smell gross.”

Cringing, Remus’ fingers flexed in Sirius’ clothes again. “Fucking charming,” he replied, but he was too pleased for the heat of offense to take spark.

“You’ve not been taking care of yourself, have you?” Sirius pressed.

“It’s been…” Remus wriggled against him, agitated. “Just so fucking hard, Puppy. You don’t know.”

“I have some idea,” Sirius said, and the edge in his voice was as reluctant to argue as Remus’. “I’m sorry, Moony. But I’m home now.”

“Mm,” Remus hummed, shifting just enough to put his lips against Sirius’ neck. He kissed him gently, and reeled at the soft gasp that vibrated up Sirius’ throat. Against his skin, Remus mumbled, “Home.” 

The word held so much power.

“Moony...” Bumping his jaw against Remus’, Sirius sighed as he pressed one hand to Remus’ cheek and turned their faces together. More gently than gentle, Sirius’ mouth closed on his and kissed Remus with devastating tenderness. Soft lips pressed into his and clung, lingering with desperation, a kiss to make up for weeks of nothing. 

A wave of giddiness rushed through Remus’ brain, made his body weak, but Sirius had enough for strength for them both. Holding Remus secure, he kissed him with a slow, devouring thoroughness and eased him back against the wall. Sirius pinned him there. Remus surrendered to him.

Gasping again, Sirius sank against him. Chest to chest, he pressed closer, mouth opening against Remus’ lips. And he tasted just like Remus remembered too, like summerberry lip balm and spearmint gum and the far-away memory of a morning latte. He rushed after it, both hands wrapping in Sirius’ hair and dragging him closer, closer,  _ closer _ …

Sirius refused to be rushed. His kiss was deep and forceful and did not break. He dragged Remus away from all the pain of the past months, absorbed his misery, consumed all the distracting thoughts springing through his mind until there was nothing left but Sirius, his warmth and his surety and his consuming love.

Breathless, Remus met every shift and touch, his hands tangled in Sirius’ hair.

One hand crept over his chest, found the collar of his top and slipped beneath. Sirius’ fingers were cold as they dragged over his skin, sweeping over one clavicle. He was panting when he broke the kiss and whispered against Remus’ mouth, “You need a shower, Sweetness.”

“Only,” Remus mumbled. His voice cracked. Swallowing, he tried again. “Only if you join me.”

“That’s what I meant, yes,” Sirius breathed. His hand dragged down Remus’ body, pressed into his belly and tracked vaguely across him. “I’ve missed touching you. I’ve missed the  _ feel _ of you, and the way you touch me. All those little things I never even used to think about … I just don’t function without them. I don’t work without you.”

The words burned through his brain, spiked waves of brilliant emotion and the heat of desire. His feelings were huge, impossible to keep trapped inside. Remus needed to make them physical.

“Kiss me again,” he breathed, tipping his head back against the wall and slitting his eyes open, catching Sirius’ need-dark gaze.

“Moony…” Sirius whispered. One hand came up and cradled Remus’ face. For a moment, they just stared at each other, and then Sirius leant in and kissed him. 

Sagging against the wall, Remus reached for Sirius’ already untucked shirt and slid his hands underneath, seeking to feed the insatiable hunger for more. 

His hands were cold and Sirius twitched away, abdominal muscles rippling beneath Remus’ fingers. “Mm,” Sirius grunted, barely drawing away from him. “So long without you … c’mon, then. Shower.”

“Naked,” Remus amended, his voice a hoarse breath.

“God,” Sirius said. “Yes.”

Getting to the shower was almost impossible; Sirius refused to stop kissing him even for the thirty seconds it should have taken. Instead, his hands gripped Remus with needful passion as he stumbled an artless path backwards along the hallway. Tripping over the rug, he knocked into the hall table and nearly spilled Remus’ abandoned cup of tea. 

Slow and unsteady, Sirius was definitely more interested in simple touch, not willing to release him. Breathing a shared breath, Remus followed without hesitation, drowning in the pressure of Sirius’ lips.

Eventually, they bumped and stumbled through to the bathroom and Sirius released him, puffing a sigh of great reluctance against Remus’ lips. Keeping one arm hooked around his waist, Sirius switched on the heat lamps and fans, twisted the taps. The cold room took on a warm glow as steam began to pour towards the ceiling.

Grasping the hem of Remus’ shirt, Sirius began to undress him, moving carefully. “How’re your symptoms?” he murmured, bending and kissing Remus’ clavicle as he tugged the shirt over his head.

“Fine,” he lied.

“Mm,” Sirius hummed, disbelieving. “Turn around.”

Growling as a spike of irritation jolted through him, Remus begrudgingly did as asked. Sirius’ hands smoothed along the top of his shoulders, trailed slowly down his back. His fingers fanned across Remus’ shoulder blades, dug in gently. 

Remus grunted softly, dull, discomforting aches niggling at him as Sirius gradually mapped him.

“Pain?” he asked. Remus shrugged. Huffing, Sirius slid his hands around Remus’ waist and stepped closer, his firm heat warming Remus’ naked back. “You’ve got some nasty rashy patches, Moony. And you’re way too fucking skinny again.”

“It’s just a bit of stress,” Remus mumbled, emotions roaring through his brain. His eyes stung with tears again and he bowed his head, hiding a prickle of shame.

Snuffling along the back of his neck, Sirius dotted his skin with kisses. “Stress’ll fucking trigger a flare, Moony.”

“Yes, thank you,” Remus snapped, jerking against his grip.

Sirius’ hands urged him back again, dragged up his chest. “Shh, I’m not telling you off. Nurse Padfoot is home to look after you, okay?”

Swallowing, Remus nodded, not trusting his voice.

Moving back, Sirius combed one hand through Remus’ hair. “I know it didn’t help that I left,” he whispered, dragging knotted curls away from Remus’ neck. He kissed the hinge of his jaw. “I’m sorry. But I’m home now and I swear to every god I don’t believe in that I will make it up to you.”

Nodding again, Remus tipped his weight against Sirius’ strength. “Okay,” he rasped.

“Okay,” Sirius echoed. “And I’m going to start by washing you.”

Slowly pulling him out of his pyjama bottoms - Remus hadn’t bothered to fully dress in days - Sirius casually inspected him before guiding Remus under the storm of water pouring from the shower. Peeking through the droplets, Remus watched as Sirius undressed, starving for the sight of his body. “You’re all buff,” he said, a meek edge catching his tone.

Shrugging, Sirius dropped his clothes in an unceremonious heap on the tiled floor and flicked his hair back, grinning as he caught Remus’ eyes on him. “I’ve had nothing to do the last couple weeks but hit the hotel gym.”

“Mm,” Remus agreed. “Prongs told me he’s been running marathons just to fill the time.”

“Yeah, well. He’s insane.” Sirius stepped into the shower with him, gasping as the heat of the water coursed over his skin. “You always have it too hot.”

“It’s nice,” Remus protested as Sirius reached past him to adjust the taps. 

“ _ Now _ it’s nice,” he agreed, as the scorching edge softened into what Remus had to agree was a more comfortable heat. “C’mere…”

Folding their bodies together again, they stood beneath the water. Quivering slightly, Sirius pressed his face into Remus’ neck. His hands stroked a repetitive path down Remus’ spine, easing away the knotted tension of the past few months.

“You feel so good,” Sirius mumbled, sniffling slightly. “I fuckin’ missed you so damn much. I’m sorry Moony, I’m sorry…”

“S’okay,” Remus whispered back, pressing his cheek to Sirius’ brow. 

“It’s not,” Sirius said, and sniffed forcefully; he had to be weeping, Remus knew it even if the shower washed away the tears. 

And it wasn’t okay, of course it wasn’t, but Remus did not want to talk about it again. Instead, he held Sirius and absorbed the thump of his heart beating against his own chest, and the heave of his shaking breaths, and the pinch of his desperate fingers. 

It was a long time before Sirius lifted his face again, smiling a lying smile as he rubbed his eyes.

“You alright, Puppy?”

“Now I am,” he said, water spitting from his lips. He reached for the soap and began to spiral it across Remus’ skin, sluicing him clean. Starting at the top, Sirius scrubbed him down. Missing nothing, he even knelt on the floor to wash Remus’ feet.

Looking down, Remus caught Sirius’ adoring gaze staring back up at him, smiling through the tangled locks of sodden hair plastered to his face. Pushing his fingers into Sirius’ hair, Remus whispered, “I love you, Padfoot.”

Sirius beamed up at him. “And I love you, Moony,” he said simply. Tipping his head, Sirius’ tone turned mischievous. “While I’m down here?”

His body was stirred and it had been the best part of three months, but Remus shook his head. Questioningly, Sirius cocked his head to the other side and blinked.

“I want …  _ you _ ,” Remus tried to explain, stroking his thumbtip across Sirius’ eyebrow. “I want to hold you, and I want kisses … and I want  _ together _ .”

The curve of his mouth softened as Sirius levered himself up. Coiling an arm around Remus’ hips, he pulled him close. “What else do you want, Moony?” he murmured, putting his mouth to the delicate skin beneath Remus’ ear.

A strange noise echoed low in Remus’ throat, a sound he was sure he had never made before. “You,” he whispered. “You. Just you.”

Lips dragging along Remus’ jawline, Sirius spoke in a terrible hush, almost lost beneath the thrum of water raining around them. “D’you wanna fuck me?”

His body arched, desperately trying to get closer to Sirius’ steadiness. Squeezing his eyes shut, Remus shook his head slightly and muttered, “Just don’t let me go.”

Breath puffing against his neck, Sirius’ mouth shifted downwards. Strong and sure, his hands pressed Remus closer as he whispered, “I never will. Not ever, Moony. Not ever.”

Unhurried, Sirius’ hands shifted over his body with leisurely, deliberate touches. It wasn’t even an attempt to ignite desire, Remus knew, but a simple need to reacquaint their bodies, to rediscover each centimetre of skin after the ache of separation.

Remus had never paused to think just how dependent he was on having the privilege to touch someone, to touch  _ Sirius _ .

Arms wrapped tight around his back, Remus pulled their bodies flush, and it still wasn’t enough, and it was not enough when Sirius’ hand slid between them, dragged across his hip and then wrapped around them both. A sigh of delight parted his lips, was lost in the flowing steam.

Sucking hard, deep kisses against Remus’ neck, Sirius grunted as he shifted his hand. His tongue slipped over Remus’ skin, wicking away water as he shifted, fitted their bodies more easily. His force pushed Remus into the wall and he gasped, flinching away as the cold tiles bit him with their chill.

“Moony,” Sirius mumbled, rocking his hips. “Moony…”

Bumping his jaw against Sirius’ cheek, Remus whispered, “Kiss me.”

Still babbling his name, Sirius did. Closing their mouths together, Remus drank him in, let go of everything and abandoned himself to the moment. It wasn’t at all about getting off, it was about each other, about being drenched, saturated in their absolute need for each other in every possible way. 

And still it wasn’t enough closeness. Chest tight with the swell of too-big emotions, Remus craved more. Rolling his head away just enough to speak, he mumbled against Sirius’ lips, “Put your fingers inside me.”

“Umh,” Sirius whimpered, his chest heaving against Remus. They shared the same air, lips open against each other, and then Sirius whispered, “Needy, Moony,” and slid his other hand down.

Every tiny movement Sirius made dragged Remus further from himself and deeper into sensory overload. It obliterated the months of longing, the tense thoughts that occupied every waking moment, the bad moods that disrupted his sleep, and it blocked out the complaints of his illness and the toll it took on him, physically, emotionally, psychologically.

Instead, his every sense was absorbed by Sirius, pinned against him, wrapped around him. His wet hair slicked to Remus’ cheek, his hands moved with well-practiced ease, his plump lips never left Remus’ skin.

“Padfoot,” he whispered, not even sure what else he wanted to say, maybe ‘I’m close’, or ‘don’t let go’, or ‘I love you’. But he didn’t know and the words slipped away from him, replaced instead with a desirous pant.

“I’m here, Moony,” Sirius whispered back. 

Dropping his face into the slope of Sirius’ shoulder, Remus writhed against his fingers, losing all conscious thought as a surf of endorphins drowned him in the sweetness of release, bright bursts of light scattering behind his eyelids. His teeth sank into Sirius’ skin when he came. 

Crying out, Sirius shuddered against him, touched him through the come down, and then caught Remus’ fingers as he sagged against the tiles. 

“Please,” Sirius rasped. Distracted, Remus let Sirius guide his hand, curled beneath his own, and breathed in his gasps when, a few moments later, he came as well.

Sliding down the wall, Remus tugged Sirius with him and they tangled together on the floor, water beating over them, rinsing them down. Curling Sirius in his arms, Remus steadied the shivers rippling over his skin. The silence that fell was punctured by the puff of them each catching their breath, the pattering of the shower, the dull drone of the bathroom fan.

“We’re wasting water,” Remus mumbled eventually.

“Mm,” Sirius hummed noncommittally. Then he sighed and straightened up, gazing at Remus with soft, sleepy eyes. He brushed his thumb over Remus’ cheekbone, smiling faintly. “I adore you, you know.”

Remus’ body tingled, not sated. He needed  _ again _ and he wanted  _ all night _ , had to have as much Sirius as possible and had to have it  _ now _ . “I know, Puppy,” he murmured. He swallowed hard. “I’m so glad you’re home.”

Eyes sharpening, Sirius peered at him. His fingers danced over Remus’ skin, stung him as they inspected a rash. “We should check your bloods,” he said, concern darkening his tone.

“Fuck off, Sirius,” Remus said, injecting iron into the words. 

Not answering, Sirius sighed again and pulled Remus back into a hug. Peppering light kisses up his neck, he drew a deep breath and said, “I still want you to fuck me.”

Affection warmed his blood and Remus smiled. “Okay,” he agreed. Coiling his fingers through Sirius’ hair, Remus leaned in and kissed him again, deep and soft and consuming; a kiss that reassured his bruised and elated emotions, a kiss that soothed his unhappiness and distracted his pain, a kiss that took his simmering dregs of arousal and stoked them.

Breaking it, a wash of contentment flowed through Remus’ blood when Sirius smiled and licked him, tongue sliding fondly across Remus’ lower lip. “Let’s go to bed,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Remus agreed. Grasping Sirius’ tightly, he clung to him for another moment, not quite ready to break the spell. His heart was full of light, full of love, full of hope that now things would be better. He hid a smile in Sirius’ hair, and sighed, “You’re home.”

It was enough to make his own slice of the world right again.


End file.
